Friday, January 29, 2010

SOTU Analyses: Who Farted And What Does it Mean?

Washington--A full day after President Obama's historic first state of the union address the nation is abuzz over an burst of flatulence heard during the speech. The implications are staggering, as an audible fart has not occurred in a joint session of congress since the nineteenth century and never during a state of the union address.

Was it an accidental fart? Was it a fart of glee from a supporter too overridden by a stirring speech to hold in their fart any longer? Or was it a deliberate fart of defiance? To get the bottom of the question (so to speak), we put the full technological resources of our NFH newsroom to the task of determining the origin point of the fart. By analysing variouse recourdings of the speech from differnet parts of the chamber, we have determined that there is a 90% certainty that the fart originated from the seated Supreme Court Justices. Was it indeed a fart of defiance let out by Justice Alito as he visibly said "not true" to the president? Or was it a more innocent fart from Justice Sottomayor or Justice Ginsburg? We may never know the true origin of the fart heard around the world, but there is one thing that we can be certain of. The fact that Obama, despite being heralded as a great orator , has been drowned out by a single brief wisp of flatulence in our coverage of his speech clearly demonstrates what a colossal failure he is.

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