Rahm Emmanuel Evil Jewish Wizard According to Sources

Washington-There have been a flurry of reports and editorials concerning White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emmanuel and his impact upon White House policy. None however is as explosive as this story News From Hell has obtained from an anonymous source somewhere in the District of Columbia. According to this source, Rahm Emmanuel is a devotee of the dark side of Kabalic mysticism and is holding the Obamas in a Rasputin like grip. It began before Obama even took office when Rahm began acting as a medium between Obama and his recently deceased mother. Rahm's control over the Obama family grew complete when Malia Obama was tragically mauled to death by Bo Obama sometime last Spring. Distraught, Obama brought his daughter's shattered corpse to Emanuele's underground layer. The Hebrew wizard agreed to resurrect Malia in exchange for a sacrifice-to resurrect Malia single payer health insurance was to be abandoned. Obama is not the only Democratic politician in Emanuel's grip, it is reported that every fortnight Nancy Pelosi slinks into the crypt of Rahm to beg for more of a magical potion that prevents her face from blowing off whenever there is strong gust of wind.